Vince,

My family is in a similar situation. My mother, who will be 85 next week, had surgery for tongue cancer last June and did fine for a year. Today we learned that the tongue cancer has recurred and that she also has cancer of the soft tissue of her neck under her ear. The doctor said the "give it all you have" approach would be seven weeks of radiation treatments five times a week with concurrent chemotherapy.

He offered an intermediate treatment the goal of which would be to "buy her some time"...just enough radiation to slow the growth of the cancer but not so much as to make her really sick.

She is in a state of high anxiety right now and I am feeling a bit lightheaded when I think about all this. Maybe we will be more clearheaded in the morning. We are going to give ourselves several days to discuss this and for her to make a decision, but it is a difficult position to be in because neither alternative (or the third one, to do nothing...which is the option she is leaning toward)is very pleasant. Brian is right: no one prepares us for these kinds of conversations.