Hey Loto19 - I can so relate to your situation. I recently had wisdom teeth extractions along with crowns and fillings, which didn’t heal for months, and discovered a lump on the roof of my mouth - unfortunately I do have a history of smoking. I convinced myself I had cancer, and had thought out my entire post-diagnosis 'plan of action', did a lot of research and know a lot about oral cancer now. Like you, I obsessively looked inside my mouth - I have an album full of pictures on my iphone, beat myself a lot over previous smoking habits..I still think about cancer tbh, despite a negative biopsy.

Just a quick note. Your thoughts of doom may be related to nicotine cessation. Nicotine withdrawal plays tricks on your mind, and creates feelings of gloom and doom. I mean, you shouldn't stop monitoring the leukoplakia, but stop worrying so much about it being cancer. Too much stress can in fact contribute to cancer. Feelings of gloom and doom is a known psychological effect of withdrawal - more likely withdrawal related. Withdrawal can last up to three months or more.

For me, I stayed depressed for a few months - but then kinda found a new joy in life. I ended up reconnecting and cherishing my relationships with my family and close friends much more – somewhere deep inside I realized that life can be short and fickle, and have decided that I will live 2017 to the fullest – fulfill whatever dreams I had for myself so that I have no regrets if I am ever diagnosed with any life-threatening disease. You are blessed to have beautiful kids – make sure you enjoy that as much as you can, while you can. If you’re constantly preoccupied with imaginary worries, you’re stealing yourself of these healthy moments making memories. Not sure if I make sense. Get that biopsy for sure, but till then worrying won’t help so try not to.
Also – just a quick note – even if you do end up getting diagnosed with oral cancer – this is something you can beat – you will survive it – so instead of imagining funerals, I rather you imagine treatment plans and options

I hope this helps!