Hi there. My husband also was diagnosed with Stage 4 oral cancer, base of tongue with lymph nodes, so I think I understand your concern. My husband was diagnosed about 20 months ago and was treated with surgery and radiation, but no chemo. That scares me a bit, but so far so good. I have to force myself to say "today he is fine" and to go with that mantra. I too find this site very helpful, but also a bit scary although I can't seem to pull myself away from reading it routinely. I enjoyed reading the responses to your post from folks who have been dealing with this for a long time. Good luck to you and your husband, and your mother. And it sounds like a cliche, but take care of yourself!