Hello Iris - Has your husband talked to a doctor that truly knows cancer, particularly oral cancer. I'm assuming your husband has oral cancer (you didn't mention what type above).

You said his MD diagnosed his cancer as terminal with 6 month's prognosis. If that guy is not an oncologist I know I would seek a second opinion from someone trained in this particular field, ie an ENT (ear nose & throat) doc with specific experience in oral cancer, ie exactly what you will find at a CCC (Comprehensive Cancer Center). You wouldn't want a bicycle repair man making repairs to your car any more than you want a GP (general practitioner) diagnosing your cancer. Do you think you can talk your husband into at least getting a 2nd opinion from someone who knows.

How old is your husband. I ask this because in my parents generation (they are in their 80's) they trusted authority a lot more than my generation does. If their doctor said do something they did it, without question (except to quit smoking, they didn't listen to that). Said another way, they didn't question authority like we do. Is your husband the type to not question authority. If that's so, that might explain why he seems to be giving up and refusing treatment. You know what type of guy he is, so you should be able to determine if this is why he is thinking this way.

I concur with what's been said above by others. Many stage IV members of this forum have survived and thrived after cancer and it's treatment. Some types of oral cancer are slower growing than others, I think that slow growth gives the docs time to treat it and cure it even if it was originally diagnosed as stage IV.

I hope you can get your husband to listen to what we all say. Oral cancer is NOT a death sentence. Many of our stage IV diagnosed members are still with us today, if fact I'd go so far as to say the majority of our stage IV members are still with us.

He has to fight, he can not just give up. You may be the one who has to put the fight back into him. That may be the hardest job of all right here.

Good luck with this. Keep us informed how it's going. Even if he won't seek help, we can help you get through the issues you face now and will face in the future. This family is as much about helping caregivers as it is helping patients.

Tony