Hi Cally

yes anger and the behaviour you are describing is not uncommon. I described my Alex as turning into a 2 year old tantrum throwing child when he was in treatment.

Like you, I examined all his drugs and tried to find a reason. Alex was definitely depressed, and anti-depressants helped later after therapy finished.

Alex also returned to better than normal once it was all over but even today, 3 years on, the old tantrum throwing 2 year old makes an appearance on check up days. I put it down to Post Traumatic Stress.

Whilst I truly believe the Traumatic Stress reaction is real, I also think that the chemo drugs have something to do with it. The chemo definitely caused confusion for Alex and his lack of concentration was so severe, he could not follow a simple conversation at times. In early dementia, we see sudden flashes of anger and even violence as the patient is lucid enough to realise something is wrong but not able to determine what it is. I think we are seeing the same thing in our loved ones when they are undergoing cancer treatment. The good news is that, unlike early dementia patients who can only go downhill, Alex recovered completely. Confusion and memory loss recovered in degrees over 12 months although the anger disappeared almost immediately after treatment finished.

When I was going through this with Alex, I did not understand why he was lashing out and took it quite personally. I also tried to set boundaries (if he abused me, I left the room after telling him his behaviour was unacceptable) which was a complete waste of time. Alex said later that he knew he was doing it but was unable to control it so any consequences made no difference at all. Like your brother, Alex is one of the most considerate people I know so this behaviour came as a complete shock.

I don't think you have any choice but to roll with it and remove yourself when it gets too much. But please know the behaviour is normal, not personal and it will get better.