Why can't I just accept the fact I'm sick and need to get well.
I feel like I'm pushing myself everyday to get better at an unrealistic rate because I'm afraid everything is passing me by.
Before cancer I lead a really active life and never thought about it, never even looked at it that way. I work Monday thru Friday as a preschool teacher and did community theater almost year round and now it's like my life is on pause. And it's driving me crazy.
I read people's responses to things I've posted saying "9 months out" "a year out" a part of me would rather die than me trapped that long.
A part of me feels cheated. Like every possibility wasn't presented to me about radiation. And I know if I had known it would have done this to my body and taken away any kind of quality of life I wouldn't have even considered it.
Yes. I know I'm alive...but Somedays that's all I am. Functioning.