Im very sorry that you got the bad news, your wife has Stage IV oral cancer. Since she is in otherwise good health, she should be able to get thru all of the recommended treatments. It isnt easy but it can be done. Right now have her eat everything she loves and dont worry about calories. If she would gain a couple pounds its ok as most of us have lost alot of weight going thru treatments.

I was faced with the same decision. The initial surgery would have been a huge life changing operation due to the location of my tumors. I went with chemo and radiation. My tumors were gone and I was cured, or so I thought anyway. I ended up having a recurrence less than a year later with another tiny tumor appearing almost exactly where the first one showed up. I had surgery and very slowly recovered but it came back yet again. The third round involved a major surgery where my lower jaw and cheek were removed. I have thought this over many many times rethinking my decisions wondering if I had opted for surgery first if I would have gone thru it 3 times. But then the surgery would have been very involved too. All the while I did the chemo and radiation it was to avoid that big operation which I ended up having anyway.

My suggestion would be to take her to a large cancer center and get a second opinion. Dont hesitate, you want to make an informed decision rather quickly so any treatments can be started right away. Dont worry if it takes a couple weeks, but you dont want to wait a couple months to decide. I know how difficult it is to make this choice, Ive been right in your shoes 5 years ago.

Best wishes with everything!!!!!