Hi Dana,
First off, sorry you have to be here, but you are definitely in the right place. We have all been there or have been caregivers to our loved ones who were or are there.
The panic is completely understandable. It will take a bit for it all to sink in, but once it does you just settle in and shift into survival gear. My husbands oc was also HPV positive, as was my last pap/leep procedure. DON'T beat yourself up! It doesn't do anyone any good, and you will need all your emotions to fight the battle.
Try not to panic too much until you have the biopsy. When Kevin found the lymph node, I, like you,sort of felt I knew it was bad simply because it was on one side of his neck, it was a solid node and it wasn't painful at all. All bad signs. By the time he had his biopsy it was huge. When he turned his head you could see it protruding from his neck.
We are on the other side now and doing pretty well. Stay on this forum for support. We didn't find it until the end. I wish I had found it sooner because it has really been amazing to have the love and support of people who knew/know EXACTLY was we are going through.
Keep in touch with us and know it is a battle you CAN win!Push for these appts SOON. Even if you start with a familiar ENT then transfer after the biopsy. Just find out for sure asap.
Blessings,
Kathy