Colleen

I agree with David. And as to your specific question: I had carboplatin after my stage IV base of tongue cancer was not wiped out by either the radiation or Erbitux either and I was originally told my tumor was "inoperable" (in the sense they could get it out but unclear if they could put me back together). So you might ask about surgery again as they changed their mind rather than let me die.
Your mom and I are contemporaries so it's not surprising she still wants to fight this. It's true that salvage surgery does really diminish quality of life, but again, check with a CCC. I ended up needing even more radiation than "maximum" even after the surgery but I am still here. I have found that the CCC tumor board does indeed change its mind about surgery and additional radiation when the alternative is worse.
so sorry you have to worry about this. At least your mom has you to be so involved. Finally, she is certainly not too old to join OCF herself and join our little family.
charm